003 { Dealing with things like a responsible Jedi

[responsibleformyownrisks]

ACTION: LATE EVENING


[Once again, Siri should be sleeping. She’s exhausted enough to. But exhaustion doesn’t stop the nightmares, doesn’t stop her from experiencing her death all over again. It’s not... pleasant, waking with the remembered agony in her chest, her back. She will sleep, eventually. There comes a point where she can’t avoid it any longer. But until she reaches that point, she will continue as she’s been doing.

Which, currently, is running laps through the forest, occasionally taking a more difficult route through the trees. She pushes herself to move faster, leaping from the branch she’s on to another, several trees away.

She’s been trying to stay away from the house as much as possible. It’s not fair to her housemates, and she’d rather keep her nightmares dreams and the emotions caused by them to herself, anyway.

The message has only made everything worse. There will be no leaving Luceti for her. There will be no returning home. Not if she wants to remain living. She’s dead, there. And dead she’ll remain. So her choices are remaining here, in Luceti, or attempting to find a place for herself somewhere else. IF that’s even possible. And it doesn’t sound like it is.

So she’ll have to say goodbye to everyone she knows. Everyone she’s met. Everyone from her galaxy.

Siri pushes herself harder, running through the forest at top speed.]

Comments

[niceguypose]

[Rock Lee also happens to be dashing through the forest at this time of night at a great speed. Collision course?!]

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[Collision course!

Normally, it’s difficult to surprise a Jedi. The Force grants her enhanced reflexes and agility, and Siri has always had an extraordinary sensitivity to Force warnings. But this isn’t normally. In the slightest. It has been a very long time since she’s gotten much sleep at all, and she’s been running herself ragged, long past even her Force enhanced endurance.

This is why she’s unable to avoid her fellow forest lap-runner.]

[niceguypose]

[And so it happens, and soon Lee is hopping back from it.]

Ah! I... I am so sorry! [And he'll be reaching out if she needs a hand.]

[averybadfeeling]

[Obi-Wan has also been a recluse. For similar reasons, really. Not identical, perhaps- Siri's is certainly not the only concern he has about the potential end of their inconsistent imprisonment on this world- but it's right up there. Her and others like her who were taken from after death, who might have a second chance. Or those who go back to unhappy futures, like Anakin, or who have to separate from those they've come to love, like Luke and Ami.

There is a part of him that knows he should accept that this is how things have unfolded for a reason, and that he should allow them to end, as they should. He should let Luke and Ami go their seperate ways. He should let Anakin fall and come to redemption on his own terms.

He should let Siri die.

There is another part of him, a terribly old, sad, weary part, that has perhaps allowed Luke to be a bad influence on him. A part of him that has grown tired of losing friends and loved ones. That has expended all the patience it has for the suffering in his life. He ignored that part for years, but it was so difficult, here in Luceti. Here where it seemed nothing, good or bad, was impossible. Here where defying the inevitable and flying in the face of destiny seemed to be the one thing most everybody here had in common.

He had made frequent trips outside the barrier, now that he could do so. At first it was simply for the novelty of it, then it became a focal point and place of isolation as he meditated for clarity, for an obvious answer. It was when he began to view it as a refuge from the concerns of Luceti that he realized he was falling into a very bad habit.

So he came back. In the middle of the night. And the first thing he felt was Siri Tachi's presence, not too far off, running through the forest.

Because the most stubborn, insufferable individual he'd ever known was, it seemed, still not sleeping.]

"Blast."

[It seemed he'd be taking a detour, as he swiftly began running to meet her.]

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[His own reclusiveness has made it easier for Siri to avoid him. Which made it just that much easier for her to hide her refusal, her inability, to sleep. And everything else that’s bothering her. He’s the one person there in Luceti who KNOWS her. Really, truly knows her. Hiding this from him would be difficult.

So it’s a relief that he’s made it so easy.

Until now.

Not that she’s noticed his presence yet. Not fully. And that’s telling. Her exhaustion is taking its toll; she’s been running herself ragged, pushing herself long past even her Force enhanced endurance.

Her path through the forest shifts, and she pushes herself just a little bit faster.]

[averybadfeeling]

[The first thing he notices is that she's sped up. Perhaps she senses his approach? Or it could be a coincidence.

The second thing he notices is that he's still gaining on her with minimal effort. He's still relatively fresh, well-rested, and hasn't been overexerting himself beyond the necessities of travel.

Just how exhausted is she?

He sees her running in the distance up ahead, and pushes himself faster to close the rest of the distance.]

"Siri!"

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[He manages to catch her off guard with the simple act of calling her name. She would refuse to admit to it or call it ‘startling’… but it is, and he does. There’s a veritable litany of curses tumbling through her mind as she comes to a halt, exhaling slowly as she turned and stared at him in exhausted, breathless surprise as he finishes closing the distance between them. Sithspit.

Sometimes, someone knowing you as well as you know yourself is a kriffing pain.]

Obi-Wan.

[She manages a crooked smile.]

Do you need something? Or did you just feel like taking a late night run?

[averybadfeeling]

"I returned to the enclosure a bit later in the evening than anticipated."

[His eyebrows raise slightly, and he adopts a conversationally troubled tone.]

"And then I was a bit distracted by the discovery that a good friend of mine hasn't been getting enough sleep and seems intent on exhausting herself to the point of collapse at any moment. I'm afraid it may be a long night."

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[She takes that back. Having someone know you as well as you know yourself is ALWAYS a kriffing pain. Especially one as frustrating as Obi-Wan. No matter how good a friend he is.

She huffs a frustrated sigh, brushing blonde hair back off her face.]

I’m FINE, Obi-Wan. Intent on nothing but going for a run.

[Like she hasn’t been doing this for days. Weeks. All in an attempt to keep herself distracted. And now that she’s stopped running the sheer weight of her exhaustion is hitting her. She needs to keep moving. She WANTS to keep moving.]

[averybadfeeling]

[Look how impressed he isn't. Stand in awe of how impressed with that answer he's not.]

"In the middle of the night. Despite looking like you can barely focus."

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[She is not amused by your sass, Kenobi. ]

I didn’t know going for a run in the middle of the night was frowned upon. I happen to enjoy it, that’s all.

I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with my focus.

[averybadfeeling]

[He sighs and glances downward, trying not to seem too confrontational, but he's still visibly concerned.]

"You didn't even notice I was there until I said your name. Siri, you're not fine."

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[Kriff, he really is the most frustrating man she knows. And he’s right. Force, she hates it when he’s right. She doesn’t want to talk about it; this isn’t his burden to bear. It’s hers.

She sighs, exhausted and a little bit lost and frustrated. And it’s that frustration, more than anything, that loosens her tongue. She doesn’t have the energy to keep arguing with him, anyway. And he’s not likely to just let it go.]

No. I’m not, all right? I’m not fine, I haven’t been fine since I –

[She cuts herself off, making a soft, frustrated noise and scrubbing a hand through her hair.]

But whether or not I’m fine doesn’t much matter anymore, Obi-Wan. I’m either… dead, or forced to remain here in order to remain living. In which case I will have plenty of time to… to BE fine.

[averybadfeeling]

"So your solution is this? Run yourself ragged to avoid thinking about it?"

[He gives her a skeptical look.]

"In all the time I've known you, I've never thought you the type to simply avoid a problem like this."

[responsibleformyownrisks]

No. This is my solution to try and avoid re-living my death night after kriffing night. It’s not a good one but it’s what I have at the moment.

[Her voice is sharp, and the fact that she’s all but admitted to having nightmares at all, let along to HIM, sends her stalking a few paces away. She’s not happy at all about this conversation. It’s admitting weakness and she loathes that.

She huffs a laugh.]

Yes, well, dying shifts everything around a little.

[averybadfeeling]

"I know that perfectly well, you realize."

[Blast, that was confrontational. He didn't want confrontational. Oh, why did his diplomacy utterly abandon him at precisely the wrong moments?

He keeps his voice more level as he continues.]

"We're Jedi. We've been taught to accept our death. To let go when the time comes. Accepting it after the fact is no different, I promise you, but you have to let yourself heal. Spiritually, mentally. The nightmares pass, but only if you let them."

[With a slight quirk of his mouth that approached a sad smile, he adds,]

"At least your emotional control hasn't been compromised as well."

[responsibleformyownrisks]

[She winces, withdrawing further. She hadn’t meant... KRIFF, she needs to just stop while she’s ahead.

Frustration bubbles up in her chest, because he’s acting like that’s the first time she’s thought of doing it, like she hasn’t been trying to do exactly that since her arrival in Luceti.]

Yes, because I never thought of trying to do that until now.

[She sighs, blue eyes apologetic.]

Thank the Force. [A brief, crooked smile flickers across her face, exhausted and sad.] Not that I’m much joy to live with now, regardless.

[There’s a reason why she’s removed herself from the house as much as possible. And only part of it is because of her desire to hide what she’s going through.

She inclines her head slightly.]

If you’ll excuse me, Obi-Wan, I have a run to continue.

[Because she doesn’t need to feel like any more of a failure as a Jedi than she already does.]